The Wailing

00ba897d-bbf6-4493-be80-b0b3a78f181cThis week something terribly unfortunate happened. I was in the middle of creating some digital art for this post, when suddenly the app crashed and stopped working. After a few panic-stricken minutes, I finally got the app to open again to be met by the horror that the app had wiped itself clean and deleted everything, including the piece I was working on (literally could have cried). Over 200 digital drawings gone and all the brush settings reset. The only thing to remember them by is thumbnails saved on my computer and the saddest thing is there where pieces I hadn’t completed yet. They’re just thumbnails now that can never be finished or opened on the app as a digital drawing again. They will forever be incomplete. So, what has this got to do with this review? Well, it mostly affects the art work for the review, because now all the brushes have reset back to their default settings, which makes them kind of awkward to use. I will eventually get the brush settings back to the way I like them, but that’s going to involve a lot of trial and error. In the meantime, I hope you still enjoy my more resourceful approach to digital art.

Getting back to the film, The Wailing is a South Korean horror movie about a police officer (Jong-goo) who is investigating a series of strange violent attacks and murders, that all involve the offender falling ill with a mysterious sickness before committing the crime. Soon into the investigation Jong-goo hears rumours of witchcraft and a terrifying naked man attacking people in the woods and eating raw flesh. Things rapidly go downhill for Jong-goo when his young daughter contracts the mysterious illness and doctors tell him they can do nothing. This leads to Jong-goo enlisting the help of a shaman and things take a bit of a demonic turn. Will the shaman be able to cure Jong-goo’s daughter or will it all end in tragedy?

The Wailing completely took me by surprise, I really wasn’t expecting it to be as good as it was. I went into this movie expecting it to be just another demon horror movie. The sort of film where a demon shows up and torments a family then possesses someone. Everyone freaks out and they call for the Padre or a paranormal fighting duo to come exercise the demon. You know, the type that are filled with jump scares and clichés and sends your heart racing. Luckily, The Wailing has a little more to it than that and is not your run of the mill demon themed horror movie.

You may be thinking now, what does this film have that all other demon movies don’t have? The answer to that question is suspense, breath-taking scenery and a rather unique storyline with one hell of a plot twist. The Wailing is a bit of a slow starter, but when it gets going glob does it suck you in. Between wanting to see if Jong-goo solves the mystery and finds the true cause of the sickness and sitting in suspense, waiting to find out if the daughter survives, this film gets you totally invested in the plot. The amazing scenes of greenery and countryside on top of that, just really holds your attention, keeping you glued to the screen.

89b102e6-2018-462b-866a-302b2b4796ee

 My face after losing all those drawings. It also aged about 20 years in that moment.  

The brilliant twist and mind screw at the end, truly puts the cherry on the cake. I for one certainly didn’t see it coming and while viewing the last part of the film, I was in a state of confusion, wonder and awe watching the tale spin and mystery unravel. At one point, I was completely baffled over who was actually the evil one and really couldn’t tell. Both possibilities seemed equally as untrustworthy and both were creepy as fudge, with a presence that screamed evil.

Which takes me to my next point, like all good horror films The Wailing was incredibly creepy and really leaves a lasting impression on you. Meaning it could quite possibly keep you up at night, checking and rechecking that all the windows and doors of locked and secured. There’s just something about a naked demonic feral person, running around, eating raw deer and attacking people, that’s pretty terrifying. Not to mention, the horror of being attacked by a possessed extremely violent 9-year-old (you can’t punch a child, so not sure how you’d defend yourself against that one). Making this film pretty scary to watch at times.

The Wailing isn’t without its flaws, the biggest flaw being the excessive use of foul language (in the subbed version at least). This may seem like an overreaction to a bit of swearing, but it really isn’t the case. Truth be told I usually wouldn’t care about swearing or even notice there was swearing. However, this film goes a little too far with the strong language, like even the kid was swearing obscenely. It seemed as if they couldn’t even make it through a sentence without swearing, which really killed the atmosphere of certain scenes. Maybe in the subbed version someone got a little carried away when creating the subtitles and the actual version it isn’t as bad. But glob that amount of swearing really wasn’t necessary.

There are also a few strange bible references throughout this film, which may put off some viewers. But considering the ending of this film, those references are more like well hidden clues to how the film was going to end and who was actually the evil one. So, you can’t really cringe too hard at them. However, you could probably cringe rather hard at the acting from some of the minor characters. Their overacting is quite comical at times, but mostly it’ll have you holding your head in your hand and shaking your head in distaste. In saying that, the acting of those in the main roles more than makes up for this.

Overall, The Wailing is quite a good horror movie. It does have its shortcomings, but in whole it’s an interesting and very exciting watch. With its plot twists and interesting concept of how demonic possession works, The Wailing will really grab your attention. If you fancy a change from your typical demon horror movie like The Conjuring or The Exorcist and don’t mind reading subtitles, I would recommend giving this film a try. It quite the creepy watch and will please the lovers of horror.

Rating: 3.5/5

Advertisements

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

d91c2f21-3199-4c68-b757-60635b94777eVampires have always been something I liked from the horror genre. There’s just something about a monster that’s incredibly charming and looks human but can potentially suck you dry of your blood in an instant, that’s makes my skin crawl. So, for this review I thought I’d go back to the classics and share with you me thoughts on a movie about the Daddy of vampires himself, Count Dracula.

As you’ve probably guessed this film is closely based on the Bram Stoker novel Dracula. If you’re not familiar with the story, don’t worry I’ll fill you in. A young lawyer Jonathan leaves his fiancée Mina in London, to travels to Dracula’s castle to do a spot of business with the Count himself. When Jonathan arrives at the castle, Count Dracula tricks him into staying. However, Jonathan soon realises he’s being held against his will, when he tries to leave. Dracula then decides to travel to London, leaving poor Jonathan to be fed on by his lady vampires.

Once at London, the Count starts feeding on Mina’s friend Lucy, all while trying to win Mina favour. Eventually Jonathan escapes from Dracula’s castle and the vampire ladies and makes it back to London. However unfortunately, Lucy dies and becomes a vampire. Now faced with numerous vampires, a man known as Van Helsing steps in to lead the hunt for Dracula and his band of lady vampires.

Yeah, there’s a lot that goes on in Dracula, but is the film any good? All I can say is, it won’t be for anyone. Like the book it can be a little heavy and strange at times, which may put off some viewers. But if you love the book, I could see you thoroughly enjoying this film. It very closely follows the book, only leaving out a few details and even tries to maintain the letter/journal feel of the book. The only thing is, I don’t remember the book containing as much toplessness as this film. But I guess it depends on your own opinion, whether that’s a good or a bad thing.

6aaef467-e576-48a0-bfa4-8f36fb1e8c27The portrayal of Dracula himself is pretty good in this film. He starts off looking creepy as hell, sporting the famous Butt shaped hairdo, and gives of some real psychotic vibes. He then transitions into an extremely charming and attractive man, but still gives off a bit of a creepy vibe and by the end of the movie, he loses his charm and become a super gross batman creature. That’s pretty true to the book. However, unlike the book, the film doesn’t explain why Dracula’s appearance changes, very well and pretty much takes for granted that the viewer would know the reason for this. On a more positive note, the Film’s Dracula was a lot less ranty than the book’s and doesn’t go off on a tangent as much.

I must admit that the special effects in this film are a bit dated. However, they still look kind of cool, especially the play with Dracula’s shadows. The pacing also seems a little strange, feeling slow and heavy at times and kind of rushed at other times. But considering how long the book is, you can forgive the pacing.

Overall, Bram Stoker’s Dracula is an okay film. It does have its problems, but as book adaptations go, it’s pretty good. Sticking very close to the source material and leaving out only a few details (most likely for time-saving purposes). The film may now seem a little dated now, but if you’re a lover of the book or Dracula himself, you will most likely enjoy this film. Leaving me to recommend it, to anyone mad about vampires.

Rating: 3/5

The Thing in the Apartment (Short Film)

thumbnail_ec2a1929-a644-48f3-bc04-53efa6494674It’s not too often you come across a horror film that is genuinely terrifying, let alone a short film. Being less than 10 minutes long, The Thing in the Apartment still manages to give you Goosebumps and leave you a little afraid of the dark. It has been a while since a horror movie has scared me this bad, so I’ve decided to give The Thing in the Apartment a review of its own.

The Thing in the Apartment, begins with Sam getting a phone call from her friend (Lindsey), asking if she can come pick her up, because something happened in her apartment. Sam, being just a good friend, goes picks the frightened Lindsay up. However, in true horror movie idiot style, Sam decides it’s a good idea to go check the apartment out and as you can probably guess, things take a bit of a horrible turn from here.

From the offset, this short film is very creepy and gives you a really uneasy feeling. As the film progresses, it gets a lot more intense and is filled with jump scares. Leaving you very on edge and praying that nothing messed up, jumps out and grabs either of the characters. Having 5 jump scares in less than 10 minutes, this film will most likely send your heart racing (not the best if you have any heart problems) and have you cuddling your blanket for dear life.

As for true scare factor goes, this film feeds on the fear of the unknown, the unseen and being attacked while alone and/or helpless. So, anyone that has experienced sleep paralysis, has had the feeling something sinister watches them or feels uneasy when alone or in the dark, will most likely find The Thing in the Apartment absolutely terrifying.

The down side to this film is that the acting is not the greatest and it has a lot of stupid moments that makes no logical sense. Like, entering the apartment when there’s a suspected creeper inside and walking about in complete darkness. This made things slightly predictable and takes away some of its fear factor.

Overall, considering The Thing in the Apartment is a short film, I would say it’s worthwhile checking out, if you’re a lover of horror. Although, the acting isn’t great it still manages to leave you feeling very creeped out and wanting to sleep with the lights on. If you fancy a quick scare and have 10 minutes to spare, I’d recommend giving The Thing in the Apartment a watch. As I’m so nice, I’ll even leave a YouTube link to this film, somewhere in this post.

Rating: 3.5/5

Silent Hill (2006)

thumbnail_8559fdf1-ae0c-4fd7-bae7-16a2433aa6f6Rewind back 10 years+ ago, where a young and daring 13-year-old me, thought to herself. “Hmm… I’m incredibly bored and no one else is awake. I know what would be fun. Watching horror movies in the dark by myself.” After sneaking downstairs like a ninja, quietly raiding the DVD cupboard and hightailing it back to my room, with my goodies (so not to get caught roaming the house at night). I decided Silent Hill would be the perfect movie for this little horror fest, I was holding in the darkness of my room.

Long story short, this was not a good idea and I scared the muffins out of myself, so bad that I couldn’t sleep. But, what does that have to do with this post? Well, it’s been over 10 years since I first seen this movie and I was curious to see, if it was still as scary as I found it back then. However, before I answer that, let me tell you a little about Silent Hill’s story.

The main character, Rose is worried sick about her adoptive daughter (Sharon), sleepwalking and having night terrors. The child’s dreams are being plagued by a town called Silent Hill, which leads Rose to think, that bringing Sharon to Silent Hill would rid her of the nightmares.

After making a dramatic entrance into Silent Hill, Rose and Sharon are separated. Rose searches the town frantically for her daughter, but soon realises there is something very wrong with this town. After experiencing, what happens when darkness falls and terrifyingly warped monsters come out to play, and after meeting the religious cult of witch hunters, that occupy the town. Will Rose ever find her daughter and will she learn the chilling secrets of Silent Hill?

thumbnail_50b0ffbb-914b-4422-9bcb-08f314dd0231

Chibi Pyramid Head

All I can say is, “wow, horror movies sure have come a long way since 2006.” However, in saying that, Silent Hill still manages to be creepy as fudge, even if the monsters look incredibly fake and computerised. The acting is also bit monotone at times, particularly with the character Rose (it was like watching an emotionless robot, at points). Luckily, the storyline and its generally creepiness in enough to forgive the acting.

By today’s standards, Silent Hill is still a pretty good horror movie. It maintains a real eerie feel, that keeps you slightly on edge the whole way through the film. Even when the wallpaper isn’t peeling from the walls and there isn’t a horribly mutated and charred monster on the screen. But for me, the best thing about this film was the storyline. It really sucks you in and keeps you wandering, in suspense about what the fudge in going on in that town. As well as exploring some of darker things in society, like mob mentality, mass hysteria and the idea that people are more likely to partake in horrible inhuman acts, when in a group or/and they fear being shun for not partaking or for speaking out. This gives the story that real twisted feel, that can make horror so interesting to watch.

Overall, Silent Hill is one of the better horror movies, I have seen. Despite the acting being a bit dead at times, it still had a suspenseful storyline, with some depth. Silent Hill was also very eerie and its monsters, looked like they were straight out of a nightmare. Creating the real horror movie feel. I would definitely recommend Silent Hill to lovers of horror.

Rating: 3.5/5

To answer the question, I posed earlier. 10 years on, did Silent Hill still scare the muffins out of me?
Thankfully no, it just mildly creeped me out.

Crimson Peak

thumbnail_65dfb950-d461-40fd-bde1-449ac3960c70The last review of this little Halloween horror adventure. A horror film about creepy ghosts, a lunatic with a knife and a helpless idiot, that breaks all the rules of surviving a horror movie, seems the perfect way to end this series. Crimson Peak had all this creepiness and alike bit more.

Crimson Peak is about a young woman Edith, who is hunted by the ghost of her dead mother. Her mother returns from the grave to bring her a warning of Crimson Peak. Although terrified by these ghostly visits, Edith decides to ignore the warnings and give it no more thought.

An English baronet named, Sir Thomas Sharpe appears out of the blue one day, at Edith’s father’s business. After only a few day Edith falls deeply in love with Thomas and after the mysterious dead of her father, she agrees to marry Thomas and move to his stately home in England, in a place known as Crimson Peak. Shortly after moving to Crimson Peak, Edith realises things are not as they seem and quickly discovers a horrifying secret about Thomas and the place called Crimson Peak.

With badly decomposed ghost skeletons jumping out from every corner, this movie should by terrifying. Unfortunately, Crimson Peak falls short of this and is more, creepy than scary. This film starts of good and set a scary tone, but sadly this doesn’t last long and is lost, when the film tries to become a psychological thriller. But before I end up ripping completely into this film, I think I should start with, what was good about this film.

The best thing about this film is the ghosts and the stately house. They’re both creepy as fudge and set a really nice tone for a horror film. The ghosts are these horribly mangled figures, that look more skeleton or zombie like then human. The house, you could not pay me to stay overnight in. It just looks like a place you’d meet a horrible bloody end in and screams haunted house. Perfect for a horror film and setting an eerie tone.

thumbnail_8992c439-92a4-4c04-96a3-7911508f1428When the film finally gets going, the storyline is pretty interesting. Before, Edith goes to Crimson Peak the movies a bit boring and not that interesting. However, when she finally arrives at Crimson Peak, things get very interesting and a very nice mystery is unravelled. Along the way, terrifying ghosts appear everywhere. Seemingly with the intent to hurt Edith. But things are not as they seem and the presence of these ghosts deepen the mystery even more.

Although, Crimson Peak has its good points, it unfortunately also has a lot of bad. I could go on and on about what’s wrong with this film, but that would get boring really fast. So, I’ll just touch on the two biggest problems with this movie. Crimson Peak didn’t seem to know what it wanted to be. It jumps between horror, murder mystery and twisted romance constantly. If this was meant to be a blend of genres, then they blended the genres very badly. At times it seemed like two different movies. One about a murder mystery with creepy ghosts and the other about jealous twisted love triangle. Making the movies direction seem confused and lost at times.

Also, the main character, Edith was incredibly annoying and a complete idiot. Edith receives numerous warnings from a ghost, but pays no attention. A strange guy and his creepy sister show up from nowhere, looking money. Then Edith’s father dies mysteriously after an argument with this guy. But for some crazy reason, Edith still agrees to marry this guy, despite only knowing him for a few days and the fact her father just died. That whole scenario stinks of black widow. More annoying, Edith even comments on the fact that this guy wants to appear to have money, but clearly doesn’t and you would also think she’d be wary of strangers, after being warned about an unfamiliar place. So, what the fudge was this lady at. She clearly has no sense.

When Edith finally gets to Crimson Peak, she just takes the complete biscuit. From doing ridiculously stupid things that always leads to injury or death in horror movies, to letting herself be treated and talked to, worse than a dog. She was clearly missing a back bone and possibly a brain as well. She had so many warnings and opportunities to escape. It was like was she wanted to be killed.

Overall, Crimson Peak was just Okay. It had an interesting mystery and terrifying ghosts, but seemed to missing that one thing that makes for good horror. It was also very confused about its direction and genre and at times was boring and predictable. However, in saying that, it did have some good going for it.

As a film for a Halloween horror binge watch, I would not recommend this movie. There is just so many other better horror films you could watch, that would more suitable and a lot scarier.

Rating: 2/5

World War Z

thumbnail_53651c8f-5636-4f24-b2f5-396cee4908baNo Halloween venture into the darkness, would be complete without a Zombie or two. In World War Z case, super-fast loud zombies, that can really utilise the power of the zombie pyramid. Pretty terrifying if you ask me. Roof tops aren’t even save from these guys. There’s really no escape from these horrifying creatures. Which makes this film, perfect for a Halloween scare.

World War Z is a zombie apocalypse film, about a retired U.N. investigator called Gerry (although you are given the impression, he was more of a secret agent than investigator). While leaving his children to school with his wife, zombies start attacking the city. Causing mass panic and chaos in the early morning traffic.

Luckily, they escape the speedy zombies and the chaos, and eventually find themselves on a floating military base, with Gerry’s old U.N. buddies. Far from the reach of zombies. Unfortunately, to keep their place in this base, Gerry must come out of retirement and help in the mission to find a cure for the zombie virus. This leads to Gerry jetting around the world, in the search for a cure. While of course fighting and escaping from massive herds of zombies.

I’m a huge fan of zombie films, and World War Z truly didn’t fail to please. But to shake this review up a bit, I’m going to review it in terms of the 5 things I look for in a good zombie film.

thumbnail_5e127fd9-25a5-45e1-a4b2-f4a79c97f136

I think I may have gone too far with the cat soup kitties. I might need to balance this out with the cute creepy drawing of the kitties.  

Zombie Quality
Plain and simple, the zombie in World War Z are terrifying. Being faster than the average human, surviving over a hundred feet falls and being surprisingly acrobatic, I would place them in the super zombie category. They also make horrifying noises, that will make your blood run cold. I for one, would absolutely not want to come up against one of these zombies. My baby legs would stand no chance at outrunning one of these guys.
Visually, the zombies look just as terrifying. Although most are computerised, the few that aren’t look incredibly freaky. Kind of like angry walking corpses. Making zombie quality, really good in World War Z.

Story
The storyline is pretty straight forward. Zombies attack, man decides he’ll find cure for zombies, man goes find cure, while avoiding becoming zombie food. It’s pretty basic, but is delivered very well. It gets the balance of action and story just right and has a nice twist near the end. My only criticism is that some of the action scenes move a little too fast, for the eye to keep up with. Meaning these scenes can be slightly confusing and it can be hard to tell, which characters have been taken by zombies.
Also, if you have a fear of flying, I would recommend staying away from this movie. There’s a lot of airplane incidents, that will completely horrify you and feed your fear even more.

Zombie Deaths
Sadly, there is no really good or gory zombie death in this film. I think this film is more about the chase then the kill. Meaning, it’s focused more on people running away from the zombies, then fighting the zombies. Although, there are a few one on one zombie kills, there’s none that really stand out. Making this film pretty disappointing, in terms of zombie deaths.

thumbnail_b10903e2-5c9c-49fb-8df2-8ac93baa5a9aAccuracy
I’m very passionate about microbiology (it one of the few things I miss from my time studying Biomedical science). How scientifically accurate a zombie film is, can be a real deal breaker for me. I don’t expect the writers to be experts, but just to get the basics right and at least know, the difference between bacteria and virus or anything a quick google search could tell them.
Luckily, World War Z was surprisingly accurate and had no crazy scientifically inaccurate comments. Best of all, it showed a very good understanding of microbiology and that they actually did their research. It’s probably one of the more accurate zombie films I’ve seen, making it very nice film in my eyes.

Surprise and Originality
It’s pretty hard to be original when it comes to zombie films. Nearly everything been done before, so the littlest bit of originality goes a long way. World War Z is rather typical of a zombie film; however, I’ve never seen zombie pyramids before and I haven’t quite seen someone travel around the world, during a zombie apocalypse. Its twist was also fairly surprising and somewhat original. Therefore, I would say that, World War Z is original as zombie movies get and will definitely please in this area.

Overall, World War Z is a rather good film. Its action packed and full of excitement, but is still focused on telling an interesting story. It isn’t very gory, yet still manages to make its zombie absolutely terrifying. It’s definitely one of the better zombie films I’ve seen and for this reason, I would highly recommend giving it a watch.

Rating: 4/5

Vampire Hunter D

thumbnail_40227db9-e179-4e51-8e3f-484b538e1305_1With Halloween ever getting nearer, I might as well bring on the horror and start my expedition into the shadows. Horror and anime is not something I’ve really mixed, but I’m all up for new film experiences. So, why not kick of this journey into the darkness, by doing exactly that.

I had a lot to choose from, but any film that promises slithery demons, vampires, hunters and a creepy evil Migi hand, is a film I’m going to want to check out. Vampire Hunter D promised this and delivered so much more.

Set in a dark future, where humans must fend off vampire, demons and other creatures, to survive. A young lady, Doris Lang is attacked by a Noble vampire (Count Magnus Lee) and is bitten. Doris somehow escapes this first attack, but is still at risk from Count Lee, as he plans on kidnapping Doris and forcing her to become his bride.

Suspecting Count Lee will come for her again. Doris hires a mysterious stranger known as D, to hunt down Count Lee and kill him, before he can attack her again. This leads to a series of bloody events, as D enters Count Lee’s lair and set out to save Doris Lang.

To be honest, Vampire Hunter D (1985) is quite a bit older than myself and has some of the typical problems of anime from that time. Such as bad dubbing, weirder shaped heads and random nudity. So, to be fair when rating this anime, I’ll overlook these problems. It just what 80’s animation is like and isn’t isolated to Vampire Hunter D alone.

thumbnail_20171014_151314

Despite being an older anime, Vampire Hunter D was actually pretty good and had a half decent storyline. Granted it didn’t wow me to a great extent, but was still very watchable and had a good element of mystery and excitement. It very nicely unravelled, the mystery surrounding D and managed to capture my attention right up until the end. Making it very enjoyable to watch.

Vampire Hunter D also had a nice amount of gore, which is always a bonus for any horror fan. In addition to this, it had a good share of unintentional comical moments. Including scenes that look, all so wrong and that could be hilariously misconstrued as something else. If you’re as immature and dirty minded as I, you’ll have great fun with this movie. Particularly the ending scene, where characters shout “I love D” from a hill-top. I’m not even joking, they actually shouted that. Makes you wonder how the hell, they let that one slip without noticing and if it’s unintentional, at all.

I think the biggest selling point of this film, is the Mysterious D himself. As vampire hunters go, D’s pretty kick ass. If I was a vampire and heard, D was coming to whip my butt. I wouldn’t sit around sniggering and acting pretentious, like Count Lee. I’d be shaking the kittens from my trouser legs and heading to the nearest airport. D just made mincemeat of whoever stood in his way, without much effort. Not to mention, he sounds like Liam Neeson in Taken.

thumbnail_29412559-155a-46c6-a7ac-920e5a6c18fd

Blast from the past. You might recognise this drawing. It’s the first vampire drawing, I did for this blog. I occasionally like to throw an oldie into my posts, for nostalgia purposes.

Like all films, Vampire Hunter D has its short coming. Its biggest being, the huge plot holes and things that didn’t make sense. For example, if D could kill Count Lee that easy, why the hell did he not kill Lamika and the mutant, the first time he fought them. He could have saved himself a butt kicking later on, as well as a lot of time and bother. It also would have sent one hell of message to Count Lee. It would have made it very clear to Count Lee, that he would have to be prepared to die, if he wanted to take Doris.

Another rather annoying aspect of this anime is the flashes. They were a bit excessive with the flashing lights, in Vampire Hunter D. The odd flash of light is fine in a film, but not whole sequences lasting minutes. I felt like I was at a 90’s nightclub and my eyes were starting to sting, from looking at the blinding light. I like being able to see after watching a movie, so this really wasn’t good.

Overall, Vampire Hunter D was good for an old anime horror movie. However, in saying that, if you dislike old anime, you’ll probably not enjoy this film. It’s very typical of 80’s anime and if this isn’t too you’re taste, then Vampire Hunter D will not impress you much. On the other hand, if like me, you have a soft point for older anime and love horror, Vampire Hunter D is worth checking out. It would make for the perfect start, to a horror or old anime binge watch. It has a real creepy weird feel to it, that is great for putting you in the mood for more horror.

Rating: 3/5

Sorry this post, was so long coming. I originally was going to review Akira, but after watching it I realised it was a massive hint at something else. Although I did really enjoy Akira, reviewing it would have turned into a deep analysis of the film.
To do this properly, I would have had to re-watch Akira a few times and had to pull apart some of the scenes, to explain its hidden clues and its hints at other things. Basically, Akira was making so many hints, it would have taken me ages to collect and analyse them all and the review would have been so long, I fear it would put people of reading it. So, I had to find something else to review, last-minute.

Don’t Knock Twice

thumbnail_68373002-a7bf-43ac-9889-3eb624f4b931I really don’t know what I was thinking, when I decided to watch Don’t Knock Twice. There are so many other horrors, I could have watched instead. But I suppose, by watching extremely bad horror, you learn to appreciate good horror. So, I’ll try to refrain from ripping into “Don’t Knock Twice” too much, in this review.

Don’t knock twice, is about a woman trying to regain custody of her daughter. However, before this can happen, her daughter knocks on a dead witch’s door twice. This somehow summons a demon, that’s hell-bent (King of Cheese strikes again) on capturing her daughter and devouring her completely. The mother must now do everything she can to save her daughter from the demon’s grasp.

The storyline of this film is incredibly messy, making the whole movie one big confusing jumble of nowhere sub-plots, that make no sense and have nothing to do with the outcome of the film. This film literally has no direction. It’s just all over the place. It drifts from one nowhere sub-plot to another and in the end, returns to its first one. All while making a poor attempt at a twist in the main plot, which was so obvious a one-eyed mole wearing a blindfold, could have seen it coming.

To add to this messy storyline, there was extreme badly Frankensteined scenes (a big pet peeve of mine). With the amount of teleporting the 2 main characters did, in the biggest scene of the film. I was starting to think, they themselves were witches and not just Ginger. It was just awful. The 2 characters actually swapped places, at one point. Leaving me to wonder, how on earth no one noticed that, before the film was released.

thumbnail_686b1891-13bd-4edd-b3ce-e2ffe01df463

 A flaming flower. Some of my abstract art, to brighten up this review.

I think the most annoying thing about this film, was its psychic impulsive characters. Characters just magically knew things, without any sort of research or logical thought. At one point, the mother randomly decided to burn all the doors in the house, without having any sort of reason for doing so. Like nowhere in this movie did it say or suggest, that the demon needed a door to manifest. It had literally just appeared behind people numerous times, by this point. So, what on earth was this woman at. The demon clearly didn’t need a door. There was a lot of this sort of thing in Don’t knock twice, which was very annoying.

As I can’t let myself be completely negative, I had to find something good about this film (which was extremely hard). I suppose the witch aspect was interesting, even though it didn’t make for good horror. I only wish, they had gone into a bit more detail on witches and gave Ginger (the witch) a stronger backstory. They essentially just said she was a witch, even though she never really done anything witchy and was pretty much, just a demon’s slave.

I’ve watched a lot of bad horror films and have always been able to enjoy them, on some level. Whether that be, finding humour in its cheesiness or the irony of how not scary and fake/forced everything is. But with Don’t knock twice, I found it hard to enjoy anything about it. The whole witch thing, just didn’t work well and them trying to throw a demon into mix, just reflects this. They should have really stuck with one and maybe this film would have had some sense of direction. For this reason, I would suggest not wasting your time with this film. I personally wish, I had watched something better instead.
Rating: 1/5 (and I’m being incredibly generous)

Surviving a Horror Movie (Demon/Evil Spirits)

e451387a-c54a-4c2a-9f29-c3f6c6763002 (1)
Why not to trust your demon butler. He’ll creep on you, while you sleep. 

It’s rather obvious, that horror is my favourite genre. If it’s spooky and dark, I’m all over it. Since I had so much fun creating the zombie 101 post, for surviving a zombie apocalypse. I thought it be fun to create something similar, for surviving a demon/evil spirit horror movie.

I have a bit of a fascination with demons and evil spirit films. I’ve watched more than I care to admit. It’s one of the very few types of horror, that actually scares me. Which has led to me, doing some demon research (I know more on the subject of demons, then I ought too). But don’t worry, I’m not one of those chicken bones and drawing on the ground with chalk people (That stuff is too scary for me). I just like having a plan of action, in case I’m ever locked in a haunted house, filled with blood lusting ghost or demons.

Since I can’t use my demon knowledge, to tell you guys how to obtain a demon butler, I’ll share a few tips for surviving a demon horror movie. But first I’ll set the scene.

How to survive the demon house:

You’ve just been kicked out of your home, by the homeowner association, for not having green enough grass. You’re desperately searching for another place to live, when you come across an old suspiciously cheap mansion. Having no real choice (because you’ve been black listed by every homeowner community for miles, for abusing your grass), you jump on the opportunity without asking questions or doing any research.

Feeling chuffed for, getting a just a great deal, you move in. But on your first night in the house, things start happening. Scary unexplainable things, like the walls start bleeding, a creep doll keeps leaving you notes, wrote in red crayon and there’s a strange creature in your basement. At this point, you realise you’ve been taken for a fool and are in extreme danger. You’re now in dire need of some tips, for surviving your time in the demon house.

thumbnail_20170823_135241
The creepiest building, I could find. An abandoned women’s prison. I would not like to spend a night in there. Unfortunately, it’s in the middle of a city and on the junction of death. So, the only safe way of getting photos, is while driving past at quiet hours. Otherwise, I would have been ran over a few dozen times.  

1. Leave house and never look back- Seems like a no brainer, but no one in a horror movie ever comes up with this idea. They always have some ridiculous excuse, for why they can’t leave the house. I would highly recommend, this be your first call of action and second to be, destroy the house. But to keep this list going let’s just say, you also have a ridiculous excuse, like it’s raining and cold outside.

2. Don’t go crazy and throw holy water around the place or start to burning sage- This never ends well. It just makes the demon madder and hell-bent on destroying you. If you think about it logically, you can see why. In the demon’s mind, the house is their space. If someone comes into your space, throwing water and stinking the place out. You’re going to get mad and do everything you can, to make that person leave. The same goes with religious items. These are probably offensive to the demon and will make it furious. Essentially, don’t do anything to annoy the demon. It won’t end well.

3. Trap it in a coconut- This one sounds a bit weird, but in some cultures, it’s believed that you can trap spirits and demons inside coconuts. All you have to do is trick the demon and get it to go inside the coconut. Once in there, it can’t get out again, so problem solved. There’s a lot of variations in, what to do with the coconut afterwards. But you can worry about that, after the demon is in the coconut.

thumbnail_20170605_102551
This is why I very rarely use colour. I tend to go a bit mad and create something like this.  

4. If you hear a loud bang, definitely do not go check it out. Just run in the opposite direction- The curious person always goes first in horror movies. Curiosity really does kill the cat, when it comes to horror movies. If you’re in a possessed house and hear a bang, its most likely a demon having, one hell of a hissy fit. Best just to tuck your tail between your legs and run in the other direction. You don’t want to get caught up in a demonic tantrum.

5. Ring of salt- You’ve survived this long, but sadly you ignored tip 2 and did something to angry the demon. The demon manifests and charges straight for you. You look for a way to escape, but the demon has you cornered. Suddenly you remember, you have a large shaker of salt in your pocket (You were cruelly melting slug earlier and forgot to return the shaker to the kitchen). You quickly grab the shaker and form a circle of salt around you. The salt stops the demon in its tracks. It furiously waves its claws at you, but is unable to reach you. Laughing, you use the shaker again and form a ring around the demon. As long as the ring of salt isn’t broken, the demon is trapped inside. Just keep the ring of salt topped up and your safe from the demon’s grasp.

6. Do not talk to the demon- The quickest way to get possessed in a horror movie, is to talk to the demon. So, don’t get angry and start shouting stuff at the demon. Definitely don’t try bargaining with it either. For some reason, communication makes demons stronger and enables their possession abilities.

thumbnail_20170823_134634
Close up of the prison. I wasn’t driving, that would be dangerous. Cars are right-hand drive here, so this probably looks really bizarre to some people.   

 7. Find some demon fighting weapons- If you’ve studied your myths and legends hard enough, you’ll know that there’s a couple of weapons, you can use to defeat a demon. These include a sword, a spears and shields. However, being of myths and legends these items will be near impossible to find. But don’t worry, there is something else you can use from Irish mythology. According to Irish mythology, iron burns fairies, evil spirits and demons. So, all you need to do is hit that demon, with an iron bar or pot, until it runs in terror or no longer exist.

8. Scary the kittens out of that demon, with a warrior mask- I’m not 100% sure, what these masks are called, but they’re found all over the world (like in China, Africa and among Pagan and Celtic artefacts). However, the idea of these masks is always the same. You wear the mask or leave it, somewhere for the demon to find. The demon sees the mask and is so horrified, it goes back to, wherever the hell it came from.

9. Find Professor Snape – You’ve tried everything and there’s still a demon in your life, hell-bent on destroying everything that is you. To be honest it doesn’t get much worse, than having a demon after your soul. So, you might as well start looking into the dark arts or more specifically defence against the dark arts. You might as well, find yourself a magic man or a witch and see if they can destroy the demon. At worse, you get to see a really cool magical demonic fight, before your completely consumed by a demon.

10. Call ghostbusters- If all else fails, you’re in the world of film. Call ghostbusters, they’ll sort that demon out. See if they’re true to their word. See if they really are afraid of no ghost, even the murderous demonic ones.

Zombie 101

e94272cc-b7a3-426d-abd7-45a767129f2fHaving watched zombie movies back to back all weekend, as part of zombie week. I’ve noticed something all zombie movies have it common (other than zombies). The characters in these movies, all are completely rubbish at surviving. Yes, I know some are hard-core zombie slayers. But when it comes to basic survival common sense, it seems to be lost on them.

If these characters were real, I doubt they would survive a weekend camping, let alone a zombie apocalypse. With the stuff they pull and the horrible decision they make, like taking on a whole herd of zombies single-handed. They should be zombie food at the beginning of the movie. But then we wouldn’t have a movie.

So, with that in mind, I created a list on how to survive a zombie apocalypse and not get eaten. (This is not a serious list and is just my opinion. Therefore, if you need survival advice, seek the advice of a professional survivalist)

1. Stay up high. You can’t get eaten, if those zombies can’t reach you. I don’t know how many zombie films I’ve watched, were night falls and they set up camp. Then just sleep on the ground. How stupid can you get? Yeah, pretty sure you would get eaten if you did that.
Sleeping high up in a tree or on a flat roof top, is a much better idea, if you don’t want to be eaten. All you need is a bit of rope ensure you can’t fall to your death. If your planning to stay long-term, you can always build a tree house for shelter or build a camp on a flat roof. The roof top would also give you room to grow food (if you can get grow-bags up there), well out of reach of zombies. Plus, you never have to worry about herds, you can wait them out, on the roof tops.

20170205_135416

The walking dead cup (my favourite cup)

2. Wear clothing zombies can’t bite through, like motorbike gear and leather. Zombies can’t eat you, if their teeth can’t bite through your clothing. This also prevents being bitten by those sneaky zombies, that hide down low.

3. Don’t break open locked doors. They are locked for a reason. That reason most likely being, a huge, hungry zombie locked inside. Open that door and you’re zombie food. In zombie movies, there’s always that one idiot that insists on opening that suspicious locked door and gets everyone eaten.

4. Watch your feet and stay alert. Some many deaths happen because no one looks were they are standing and watches out for hidden zombies. It’s just a shame, no one sees that zombie, causally sitting there on the ground, waiting for its next meal to walk past. It’s so obvious, but they’re too busy looking at that zombie in the distance, to notice one sitting right at their feet.

bcab1a8a-28a4-4478-8f97-d4c6b70d622f5. Keep a dog or 2 around. Not only would they keep spirits up, but they can smell dead things from miles away. Train a dog to signal when a zombie is near and you have your own zombie sniffer dog. What better way to avoid zombies and not get eaten. Dogs can also be used to hunt, for warmth, to find food and for protection from thugs.

6. Don’t rely on canned foods. Everyone will be fighting each other for canned food, so it could get dangerous. Canned food will also eventually run out, so growing food would make you a target, for other survivors. Storing food will also make you a huge target and could get you killed. A much better option is hunting and gathering. If you’re not such what’s eatable, get a book on foraging from a library or book store (probably the least likely place to run into zombies).

7. Stay away from that sick or injured person. This sounds like a no brainer, but in zombie films, they always stupidly go help, without taking any precautions. A short while later the person turns and tries to eat everyone. They could have at least tied the person up, for peace sake. It’s as if they want to be eaten.

20170603_130351

Coconut Head. Left alone in a car, with a notebook and a pen. Doodling bound to happen. Don’t like drawing in pen, though. You can’t erase and you’re stuck with whatever you draw.        

8. Don’t trust that random guy, that turns up from nowhere, promising shelter and safety. Seems like common sense, but no. In the films, they all follow that nice stranger to his camp, where they are attacked, robbed or imprisoned. So, if a stranger offers to take you to their camp, ran for your life, in the opposite direction, as fast as you can.

9. Avoid large groups. Large groups only attract herds of zombies. Plus, it’s much harder to find enough food to feed a large group, so you’ll most likely go hungry. A small group of 3 or 4, is much better. There’s enough eyes, to watch out for zombie and enough hands to fend them off. It is also much easier to find enough food for 3 or 4 people.

10. If trapped by zombies, with no way out, play zombie. Sounds silly, but always works in the movies and I can see why. They are zombies, not geniuses. If you look, smell and act like a zombie, they won’t be able to tell the difference. So, if you find yourself trapped, quickly smother yourself in zombie juice, pull your best zombie pose and limp the hell out of there.