Zombie 101

e94272cc-b7a3-426d-abd7-45a767129f2fHaving watched zombie movies back to back all weekend, as part of zombie week. I’ve noticed something all zombie movies have it common (other than zombies). The characters in these movies, all are completely rubbish at surviving. Yes, I know some are hard-core zombie slayers. But when it comes to basic survival common sense, it seems to be lost on them.

If these characters were real, I doubt they would survive a weekend camping, let alone a zombie apocalypse. With the stuff they pull and the horrible decision they make, like taking on a whole herd of zombies single-handed. They should be zombie food at the beginning of the movie. But then we wouldn’t have a movie.

So, with that in mind, I created a list on how to survive a zombie apocalypse and not get eaten. (This is not a serious list and is just my opinion. Therefore, if you need survival advice, seek the advice of a professional survivalist)

1. Stay up high. You can’t get eaten, if those zombies can’t reach you. I don’t know how many zombie films I’ve watched, were night falls and they set up camp. Then just sleep on the ground. How stupid can you get? Yeah, pretty sure you would get eaten if you did that.
Sleeping high up in a tree or on a flat roof top, is a much better idea, if you don’t want to be eaten. All you need is a bit of rope ensure you can’t fall to your death. If your planning to stay long-term, you can always build a tree house for shelter or build a camp on a flat roof. The roof top would also give you room to grow food (if you can get grow-bags up there), well out of reach of zombies. Plus, you never have to worry about herds, you can wait them out, on the roof tops.

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The walking dead cup (my favourite cup)

2. Wear clothing zombies can’t bite through, like motorbike gear and leather. Zombies can’t eat you, if their teeth can’t bite through your clothing. This also prevents being bitten by those sneaky zombies, that hide down low.

3. Don’t break open locked doors. They are locked for a reason. That reason most likely being, a huge, hungry zombie locked inside. Open that door and you’re zombie food. In zombie movies, there’s always that one idiot that insists on opening that suspicious locked door and gets everyone eaten.

4. Watch your feet and stay alert. Some many deaths happen because no one looks were they are standing and watches out for hidden zombies. It’s just a shame, no one sees that zombie, causally sitting there on the ground, waiting for its next meal to walk past. It’s so obvious, but they’re too busy looking at that zombie in the distance, to notice one sitting right at their feet.

bcab1a8a-28a4-4478-8f97-d4c6b70d622f5. Keep a dog or 2 around. Not only would they keep spirits up, but they can smell dead things from miles away. Train a dog to signal when a zombie is near and you have your own zombie sniffer dog. What better way to avoid zombies and not get eaten. Dogs can also be used to hunt, for warmth, to find food and for protection from thugs.

6. Don’t rely on canned foods. Everyone will be fighting each other for canned food, so it could get dangerous. Canned food will also eventually run out, so growing food would make you a target, for other survivors. Storing food will also make you a huge target and could get you killed. A much better option is hunting and gathering. If you’re not such what’s eatable, get a book on foraging from a library or book store (probably the least likely place to run into zombies).

7. Stay away from that sick or injured person. This sounds like a no brainer, but in zombie films, they always stupidly go help, without taking any precautions. A short while later the person turns and tries to eat everyone. They could have at least tied the person up, for peace sake. It’s as if they want to be eaten.

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Coconut Head. Left alone in a car, with a notebook and a pen. Doodling bound to happen. Don’t like drawing in pen, though. You can’t erase and you’re stuck with whatever you draw.        

8. Don’t trust that random guy, that turns up from nowhere, promising shelter and safety. Seems like common sense, but no. In the films, they all follow that nice stranger to his camp, where they are attacked, robbed or imprisoned. So, if a stranger offers to take you to their camp, ran for your life, in the opposite direction, as fast as you can.

9. Avoid large groups. Large groups only attract herds of zombies. Plus, it’s much harder to find enough food to feed a large group, so you’ll most likely go hungry. A small group of 3 or 4, is much better. There’s enough eyes, to watch out for zombie and enough hands to fend them off. It is also much easier to find enough food for 3 or 4 people.

10. If trapped by zombies, with no way out, play zombie. Sounds silly, but always works in the movies and I can see why. They are zombies, not geniuses. If you look, smell and act like a zombie, they won’t be able to tell the difference. So, if you find yourself trapped, quickly smother yourself in zombie juice, pull your best zombie pose and limp the hell out of there.

Before I Wake

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Evil Butterflies (A.K.A Moths)

Where can I watch this: Netflix (Netflix original)

Thanks for the nightmare fuel, Netflix. My sleep deprivation and sleep paralysis has gotten a hell of a lot more interesting after watching this. Watching alone in the dark, was a really bad idea, on my behalf. I scared the bananas out of myself.

This movie got me on two levels. One, it fed the fear of being attacked by something horribly terrifying, while completely unable to move or scream.  And two, being chased and eaten alive, by something that can appear and disappear at well, is possibly the scariest thing I can think of.

If you’re not a nervous wreck and don’t jump at your own shadow, you most likely won’t find Before I wake that scary. For anyone with sleep paralysis, I would definitely not recommend this movie. It’ll just give your brain a new terrifying creature, to torment you with while it holds you captive in your bed.

Overall, Before I wake isn’t that bad. It’s about a boy, with the ability to bring his dreams to life, while he sleeps. The boy’s mother dies when he is very young, so he ends up in foster care. He is eventually fostered by a couple, whose son drowned to death in their bath tube. The couple soon discover the boy’s ability and instead of bringing him to a sleep therapist, like any caring guardian would do. The mother figure in this relationship, decides to become an emotional parasite and forces the boy to dream about her dead son. To allow her to see and spend time with, what she thinks is her dead son.

f01937c0-bf23-4670-ae15-3670ed0e86aeThe boy is obviously terrified of his dreams and his ability. At one point, he even tells the mother figure that, he is scared and doesn’t want to sleep because there’s a monster in his dreams, that eats people. Again, instead of bringing the child to a therapist, the emotional parasite and her husband enabler, decides to expose the child to mental abuse, forcing him to watch home videos of their dead son. This abuse gets worse, leading to the emotional parasite drugging the poor boy, so that he would sleep for longer. Giving her more time with a dream vision of her dead son.

But then Karma strikes, and the monster from the child’s dreams, finally turns up to (in my opinion) save the child from this messed up abuse. Unfortunately, the monster only eats the enabler and the emotional parasite survives the attack.

After the attack, the boy is rightfully removed from the couple’s care, because the child was drugged, the husband is missing and they suspected domestic violence. The emotional parasite is left alone without either of her hosts. Feeling insecure, vulnerable and peeved that her host was removed from her care, she finally decides to act in the child’s best interest and do something that benefits the child for a change. The mother figure then sets out to find out the truth behind the boy’s abilities and to find a way to rid the boy of the monster from his dreams.

Although it sounds like I hated this movie, it wasn’t that bad. It was more annoying that the mother figure was treating the boy horribly and it was kind of made out to be an okay thing to do (it’s definitely not okay. It’s pretty sick). The movie itself was okay. It was just that character’s behaviour that was irritating.

Before I wake isn’t that scare, so could be watched by lovers of horror and by those who like watching the occasional horror. If you are lost for something to watch on Netflix, I would definitely recommend giving Before I wake a try. You never know you might like it more than I did.
Rating: 2/5

Curse of Sleeping Beauty

2b2956f5-e298-4ab4-a222-be69ff28f943Where can I watch this: Netflix

When I first came across this on Netflix and thought it was a chick flick about some guy saving a girl (the usual Sleeping beauty story). I was so wrong. It turned out to be a horror and lets just say I can’t go near shop mannequins anymore, without feeling uneasy.

This movie was actually about a man (Thomas) who is mysteriously left everything in the will of an uncle, he never even knew he had (including a house). The house turns out to be full of spirits (Jinn) and dark forces, so things quickly take a dark turn after Thomas moves in. Thomas keeps having the same dream about a beautiful women that can not be woken due to a curse. He believes she is trapped by evil spirits somewhere in his late uncles house and sets out to fight against the spirits, find his sleeping beauty and remove the curse with a kiss.

Overall I felt this movie was okay, however is not the best horror movie I’ve seen. The movie was still really really creepy (mainly due to those darn mannequins), but was not that scary. The storyline wasn’t that great either and it was slow at times. In saying this, the movie had one hell of a twist at the end, that I never seen coming.  Despite it’s short coming, it still had a lot going for it and a lot of good points, like it creepiness (I was very very creeped out after watching this movie and was pretty much on the look out for shady looking mannequins). I would say I would recommend this movie to those who don’t enjoy being terrified by a movie, but still likes watching horrors.                                        Rating 2.5/5