Lady Joker. How that A-hole made me feel.
He begged me to show him, even though I told him I didn’t want to. He wouldn’t leave me at peace, until I did. I knew he would take them for face value and make no effort to understand. I was right. He took a 2 second look at each and made his judgement.
When I told him no, he acted like a child. Using emotional blackmail to get his way. Saying that, I was being unfair and acting like I don’t trust him. He said, I don’t let others in because I’m scared.
Honestly, I knew he was being manipulative and what he said was complete rubbish. He really doesn’t know me that well, if he thinks he can manipulate me in just a childish way. He could have made more of an effort. Recognised my true insecurities and blackmailed me with those, instead of conventional insecurities, I don’t even have.
He was starting to get on my last nerve and I was tired. I just wanted him to go away and leave me be. I thought if I showed him a few of my digital drawings, he would be satisfied and stop tormenting me. I was wrong. His hurtful remarks, were just redirected to having personal stabs at me.
I had warned him, that I use drawing as an emotional outlet. So, what did he expect. They represent “negative” feelings, so aren’t going to be rainbows and ponies. There was no need to resort to name calling, saying I was dark, disturbed and a creep. That I was sick and needed help. The only thing I need help with is distancing myself from people like him.
My drawings aren’t even that dark. They are mostly just people, standing there doing nothing. How does that make me disturbed? Yeah, the people aren’t exactly happy and some are being haunted, but that’s just life. They aren’t doing anything horribly evil, so why judge me as “troubled”, based on a few drawings.
If I had drawn something filled with blood and gore, then yes, I could see where he was coming from. But I didn’t. I drew how I felt at that time. If he doesn’t like how I feel, I’d prefer he left me alone and keep his negativity to himself. If I am sick (like he said), then telling me in just a rude and taunting way, surely would only add to the matter and is not how you help an ill person. People like him will be the death of me.
If he had paid attention and didn’t just glance. If he tried to understand. Then he would see that I’m not disturbed or evil. Maybe he’s just not perceptive. Still, he didn’t need to be so mean. If he had said my drawing were rubbish and that I couldn’t draw for dung, then I wouldn’t have been hurt. After all, I wasn’t drawing for approval. I was drawing for me. They didn’t have to be master pieces. Their purpose was to stop me bottling my emotional and to prevent my mind from cracking. If anything, I’d call my drawings healthy. They are not mentally unwell.
His words hurt, but screw him. We all have struggles. If I want to let these feelings out, in a health and safe manner by drawing, then I’m going to. Bottling my feelings has only caused me more pain. If he doesn’t like what I drew, then he shouldn’t have annoyed me until I showed him.
Sorry for ranting a bit. This guy, that calls himself my friend, just really irritated me. It might sound like he was just concerned about me, but he is not. I think he gets off on making people feel awful and thought I’d make the perfect victim.
Black Butler reference. Love this drawing, so it ended up being my Header image. I drew it in a mood. Probably the only good thing to come out of being in a horribly mood.