One liners

I love reading one liner challenge posts, they can really be hilarious at times. So, after being nominated for this challenge (quite a while ago), I thought it was time to give it a try myself. But before we get started, I’d like to thank POP CULTURE LITERARY for the nomination and apologise for taking so long to respond to this challenge. There’s a lot of cool and interesting stuff over at POP CULTURE LITERARY, so I’d recommend checking it out.

The Rules:

  • Accept and thank your challenger(s) by linking back to their post.
  • Make a post of one-sentence summaries and/or roasts of at least five books.
  • No spoilers! (I will try but no promises)
  • Link back to The Awkward Book Bloggerso she can see your post.
  • Challenge as many or as few people as you want!
  • Have fun!

Right so let’s begin! I read mostly non-fiction books which wouldn’t really work in this post, so I’ve also added five anime to the mix.

Books:

81UvcPHNEPLBlue Planet II– The Book that proves sea monsters really do exist.

alice1898Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland- An adventure where a girl falls down a hole, eats shrooms, drinks potions, ignores the rules of stranger danger and manages to really peeve off some psycho lady by painting her roses, basically some peoples’ Saturday night.

51M0okPhZoLBram Stoker Dracula You can’t help but read it in Dracula’s voice, bleh bleh bleh.

81AlqaFjyaLThe Twits- The book that taught me to seek revenge when I was a child, even if it involves using a swimming pools worth of glue and inducing the shrinks.

91j7w+EJXvLThe Miniaturist- A valuable lesson in not being creepy by making miniature dolls of random rich strangers and their home furnishings, because they’ll freak out, think you’re a witch, blame you for everything that goes wrong in their life and people will be thrown in the canal wearing a boulder necklace.

387145._SX1280_QL80_TTD_The Walking Dead Comic- Man awakens from a coma to find himself in a zombie apocalypse and decides to become a zombie slaying cowboy (Sort of like the TV show but better).

Anime:

1200x630bbDeath Note- A narcissistic psychopathic emo guy finds a note book that literally makes the pen mightier than the sword, which leads to him having a strange relationship with another very odd emo guy and they play cat and mouse then explore bondage.

1200x630bb (1)Black Butler-For the low, low price of one’s soul, you can have an extremely attractive demon ninja slave that will pretty much do anything for/to you (and I mean “anything”).

01e7eb6f5277ed21e158087e5422042cb10c227cr1-561-797v2_hqTokyo Ghoul- Boy gets turned into a half ghoul then sits around drinking coffee with other ghouls, being a hate-the-world and yaps about his life then decides to give cannibalism a go.

173941Durarara- An anime with a headless cat lady biker and where gang violence, knife crime and mob mentality are rampant, but for some reason no one has offed the snitch.

Lucy-Elfen-Lied-horror-anime-manga-37156938-500-375Elfen Lied- Where clothing and limbs are optional but bathing is a compulsory group activity.

Nominations:
At this point, I think nearly everyone has either already done this challenge or been nominated for it. Therefore, I nominate anyone who hasn’t already been nominated yet.

Hope you’ve enjoyed this post, I had a lot of fun making it and…

As always, Thanks for reading!

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Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)

d91c2f21-3199-4c68-b757-60635b94777eVampires have always been something I liked from the horror genre. There’s just something about a monster that’s incredibly charming and looks human but can potentially suck you dry of your blood in an instant, that’s makes my skin crawl. So, for this review I thought I’d go back to the classics and share with you me thoughts on a movie about the Daddy of vampires himself, Count Dracula.

As you’ve probably guessed this film is closely based on the Bram Stoker novel Dracula. If you’re not familiar with the story, don’t worry I’ll fill you in. A young lawyer Jonathan leaves his fiancée Mina in London, to travels to Dracula’s castle to do a spot of business with the Count himself. When Jonathan arrives at the castle, Count Dracula tricks him into staying. However, Jonathan soon realises he’s being held against his will, when he tries to leave. Dracula then decides to travel to London, leaving poor Jonathan to be fed on by his lady vampires.

Once at London, the Count starts feeding on Mina’s friend Lucy, all while trying to win Mina favour. Eventually Jonathan escapes from Dracula’s castle and the vampire ladies and makes it back to London. However unfortunately, Lucy dies and becomes a vampire. Now faced with numerous vampires, a man known as Van Helsing steps in to lead the hunt for Dracula and his band of lady vampires.

Yeah, there’s a lot that goes on in Dracula, but is the film any good? All I can say is, it won’t be for anyone. Like the book it can be a little heavy and strange at times, which may put off some viewers. But if you love the book, I could see you thoroughly enjoying this film. It very closely follows the book, only leaving out a few details and even tries to maintain the letter/journal feel of the book. The only thing is, I don’t remember the book containing as much toplessness as this film. But I guess it depends on your own opinion, whether that’s a good or a bad thing.

6aaef467-e576-48a0-bfa4-8f36fb1e8c27The portrayal of Dracula himself is pretty good in this film. He starts off looking creepy as hell, sporting the famous Butt shaped hairdo, and gives of some real psychotic vibes. He then transitions into an extremely charming and attractive man, but still gives off a bit of a creepy vibe and by the end of the movie, he loses his charm and become a super gross batman creature. That’s pretty true to the book. However, unlike the book, the film doesn’t explain why Dracula’s appearance changes, very well and pretty much takes for granted that the viewer would know the reason for this. On a more positive note, the Film’s Dracula was a lot less ranty than the book’s and doesn’t go off on a tangent as much.

I must admit that the special effects in this film are a bit dated. However, they still look kind of cool, especially the play with Dracula’s shadows. The pacing also seems a little strange, feeling slow and heavy at times and kind of rushed at other times. But considering how long the book is, you can forgive the pacing.

Overall, Bram Stoker’s Dracula is an okay film. It does have its problems, but as book adaptations go, it’s pretty good. Sticking very close to the source material and leaving out only a few details (most likely for time-saving purposes). The film may now seem a little dated now, but if you’re a lover of the book or Dracula himself, you will most likely enjoy this film. Leaving me to recommend it, to anyone mad about vampires.

Rating: 3/5

Vampire Hunter D

thumbnail_40227db9-e179-4e51-8e3f-484b538e1305_1With Halloween ever getting nearer, I might as well bring on the horror and start my expedition into the shadows. Horror and anime is not something I’ve really mixed, but I’m all up for new film experiences. So, why not kick of this journey into the darkness, by doing exactly that.

I had a lot to choose from, but any film that promises slithery demons, vampires, hunters and a creepy evil Migi hand, is a film I’m going to want to check out. Vampire Hunter D promised this and delivered so much more.

Set in a dark future, where humans must fend off vampire, demons and other creatures, to survive. A young lady, Doris Lang is attacked by a Noble vampire (Count Magnus Lee) and is bitten. Doris somehow escapes this first attack, but is still at risk from Count Lee, as he plans on kidnapping Doris and forcing her to become his bride.

Suspecting Count Lee will come for her again. Doris hires a mysterious stranger known as D, to hunt down Count Lee and kill him, before he can attack her again. This leads to a series of bloody events, as D enters Count Lee’s lair and set out to save Doris Lang.

To be honest, Vampire Hunter D (1985) is quite a bit older than myself and has some of the typical problems of anime from that time. Such as bad dubbing, weirder shaped heads and random nudity. So, to be fair when rating this anime, I’ll overlook these problems. It just what 80’s animation is like and isn’t isolated to Vampire Hunter D alone.

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Despite being an older anime, Vampire Hunter D was actually pretty good and had a half decent storyline. Granted it didn’t wow me to a great extent, but was still very watchable and had a good element of mystery and excitement. It very nicely unravelled, the mystery surrounding D and managed to capture my attention right up until the end. Making it very enjoyable to watch.

Vampire Hunter D also had a nice amount of gore, which is always a bonus for any horror fan. In addition to this, it had a good share of unintentional comical moments. Including scenes that look, all so wrong and that could be hilariously misconstrued as something else. If you’re as immature and dirty minded as I, you’ll have great fun with this movie. Particularly the ending scene, where characters shout “I love D” from a hill-top. I’m not even joking, they actually shouted that. Makes you wonder how the hell, they let that one slip without noticing and if it’s unintentional, at all.

I think the biggest selling point of this film, is the Mysterious D himself. As vampire hunters go, D’s pretty kick ass. If I was a vampire and heard, D was coming to whip my butt. I wouldn’t sit around sniggering and acting pretentious, like Count Lee. I’d be shaking the kittens from my trouser legs and heading to the nearest airport. D just made mincemeat of whoever stood in his way, without much effort. Not to mention, he sounds like Liam Neeson in Taken.

thumbnail_29412559-155a-46c6-a7ac-920e5a6c18fd

Blast from the past. You might recognise this drawing. It’s the first vampire drawing, I did for this blog. I occasionally like to throw an oldie into my posts, for nostalgia purposes.

Like all films, Vampire Hunter D has its short coming. Its biggest being, the huge plot holes and things that didn’t make sense. For example, if D could kill Count Lee that easy, why the hell did he not kill Lamika and the mutant, the first time he fought them. He could have saved himself a butt kicking later on, as well as a lot of time and bother. It also would have sent one hell of message to Count Lee. It would have made it very clear to Count Lee, that he would have to be prepared to die, if he wanted to take Doris.

Another rather annoying aspect of this anime is the flashes. They were a bit excessive with the flashing lights, in Vampire Hunter D. The odd flash of light is fine in a film, but not whole sequences lasting minutes. I felt like I was at a 90’s nightclub and my eyes were starting to sting, from looking at the blinding light. I like being able to see after watching a movie, so this really wasn’t good.

Overall, Vampire Hunter D was good for an old anime horror movie. However, in saying that, if you dislike old anime, you’ll probably not enjoy this film. It’s very typical of 80’s anime and if this isn’t too you’re taste, then Vampire Hunter D will not impress you much. On the other hand, if like me, you have a soft point for older anime and love horror, Vampire Hunter D is worth checking out. It would make for the perfect start, to a horror or old anime binge watch. It has a real creepy weird feel to it, that is great for putting you in the mood for more horror.

Rating: 3/5

Sorry this post, was so long coming. I originally was going to review Akira, but after watching it I realised it was a massive hint at something else. Although I did really enjoy Akira, reviewing it would have turned into a deep analysis of the film.
To do this properly, I would have had to re-watch Akira a few times and had to pull apart some of the scenes, to explain its hidden clues and its hints at other things. Basically, Akira was making so many hints, it would have taken me ages to collect and analyse them all and the review would have been so long, I fear it would put people of reading it. So, I had to find something else to review, last-minute.

Stake Land

thumbnail_dbac8e0c-e41d-48d7-90de-0258798ff0c3The zombie thirst is back. A thirst that can only be quenched, by watching ridiculous amounts of zombie films and shows. So, why the hell did I end up watching stake land, when it’s a vampire movie?

Stake land, is one of those films that dance with the line between zombies and vampires. Their vampires, behave like zombies, look like zombie and feed like zombies, however obey 2 important vampire rules (these being, they have fangs and burst into flames in sunlight). Essentially, more zombie like, than vampire. So, I renamed these creatures, zompires.

Stake land is about a boy (Martin), who is orphaned after vampires (zompires) devour his family. Martin is saved from this fate, by a vampire hunter called Mister. Martin’s father uses his last breath, to ask Mister to save his son. Mister then takes, Martin under his wing and trains him as a vampire hunter.

In an attempt to escape, the growing numbers of zompires, Mister and Martin travel north. This turns out to be a very eventful journey, involving mutant zompires, cults and survival of the fittest.

For a vampire movie, this wasn’t bad. It’s one of the better vampire films, I’ve seen. Even as a zompire movie, it was okay. In saying that, it does have a lot of flaws. The biggest being, poorly edited scenes. Throughout the film there’s scenes, where characters magically appear and disappear and jump from one position to another. Making the movie look very choppy, at times and badly Frankensteined together. Having watched so many zombie films (both high and low budget), I can forgive this and in whole, it doesn’t destroy your enjoyment of the film.

It also had a lot of subplots, that went nowhere. For example, Martin was warned about survivor in the north, resorting to cannibalism and no cannibals materialised and there was no more mention of these cannibals. Being cannibalised, is the scariest thing I can think of, so this was very disappointing. It got my hopes up, that I’d be scared by cannibals and there was none. There was a lot of other nowhere-subplots like this, that just left you disappointed or confused about the direction of the film. Due to this, the film had a very unsatisfying ending.

Despite its short comings, Stake Land had a lot going for it. Such as Mister. Mister was extremely bad ass. He single-handedly, knocked rainbows out of the zompires and completely destroyed them. He survived being thrown to a pack of zompires, with no weapons. The zompires really didn’t stand a chance, against Mister. (He was also rather nice to look at, for an old guy.)

thumbnail_aeed6214-5681-407d-ad6d-8e4c915d8ef9His relationship with Martin, was really sweet, too. They had more than, just a teacher pupil relationship. It was more like, father and son. You could tell they both, cared very much for each other and that they weren’t just using each other, as tools to survive. You could tell, they seen each other as family. This made Stake Land, really nice to watch and very touching. However, this is what makes the ending, kind of sad and unsatisfying.

Finally, the most important thing. The quality of the zompires. They were pretty good. They looked scary, weren’t incredibly cheesy and didn’t look fake. They weren’t TWD quality, but are probably as good as you can get, without making them look too graphical or unrealistic. They were still creepy as hell. They drooled blood and made what I think is, bear noises. Creating a very disturbing and frightening looking zompire, that when vocal, sent chills down your spine.

However, there wasn’t very many of zompires and no super gory or comical zompire deaths. For a vampire/zombie horror movie, I would have expected a lot more zompires and would expect them, to be more of a problem. They just seemed to be a background danger, that wasn’t that big of a threat. But, I think this was down to, the film focusing more on other groups of survivors, as a bigger threat.

Overall, this film was a very mild horror movie. It wasn’t scary and could be watched, by those easily scared, without becoming too frightened. It did have a jump scare in the first 5 minutes, but after that, it was very mild and there isn’t very many scary parts. It also took in interesting look at, how religion would impact society, if the world was filled with zompires, which is kind of scary, but fascinating.

Stake land isn’t that bad of movie. It’s okay, but just okay. I would only recommend it, if you were stuck for something to watch and wanted a horror. For hard-core zombie fans and lovers of gore, this film will not quench your zombie thirst, but is a good start, in a zombie film binge watch.
Rating: 2.5/5

They Call Themselves Real-Life Vampires

29412559-155a-46c6-a7ac-920e5a6c18fdI finished watching vampire knight seasons 1 & 2, and it left me with a few questions about vampires. So, I done what most people would do and asked google. This turned into one hell of a creepy google search.

The first thing I wanted to know was, why vampires need to drink blood to survive. Surely if it’s for nutrients, they would be able to survive by dissolving food supplements in water and drinking that. Even better, they could survive on steak smoothie. Therefore, eliminating the need for blood.

Anyway, this was bugging the hell out of me so I googled it and came across something very unexpected. An interview with a real-life vampire. At first I thought, surely this is a joke or something. Vampires don’t exist. I was sort of wrong.

087603c5-0d09-4c76-8611-dbde8cdca204 (2)Although these people aren’t actual vampires, they pretty much behave like they are. Considering this, it kind of makes them scarier than actual vampire. Normal anti-vampire defences won’t keep them at bay. You can throw as much garlic and holy water at them as you want and they’ll still be able to come at you for your blood.

But, us non-vampires can relax. I done a bit of research and apparently, they only take your blood with your permission and written consent. Some don’t even feed on your blood, but feed on your energy or life-force. (Having a bunch of people standing around you, pulling weird creepy facing, saying their feeding on your life-force, may be a lot more terrifying though.)

And then I found a very scary website, that allows vampires to find other vampires in their area, so that they can go feeding together and do other vampire things. The author claims that, they can tell a real vampire from a want-a-be vampire be just an email (Never knew there was a difference). Reading this website made my blood run cold. It talked of awakening as vampires and made claims that they need to drink blood to stay healthy and that vampirism was caused by a virus. This site screamed cult. It even has events for vampires like blood lettings, feeding sessions and get togethers. All of which sound terrifying for a non-vampire.

3b13409b-6006-4be7-8368-13d1080625a7There is also a checklist that allows you to tell if you are a vampire. This checklist suggested thing like eating two rare steaks and seeing if your skin turns pink (if it does, it says you’re most likely a vampire) and was very focused on a person’s sleeping pattern and reaction to sunlight. Curious, I done the checklist on myself. I sourced over 80%, which according to the website makes me a vampire. Safe to I will not be drinking blood anytime in the future. Blood borne disease and iron overload, does not appeal to me at all. Pretty sure this checklist would class any light-sensitive night owl as a vampire. It’s scary to think someone might take this serious and go off and join the vampires. It’s crazy.

f3653959-ffd6-4a76-b6f8-b94880bb2128_1I truly hope that this website was a joke. If it’s not, it’s definitely frightening to think that people are gathering together to drink blood. There’s just something so bizarre about the whole thing.